


When The Circus Lights Go Out

by AtLeastWeWontBeLonelyInHell



Category: The Mentalist
Genre: Angst, Drama, F/M, Hurt, Tragedy, dark themes, dark&twisty, re-post from 2012
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-01
Updated: 2012-11-01
Packaged: 2019-10-11 04:10:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 555
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17439701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AtLeastWeWontBeLonelyInHell/pseuds/AtLeastWeWontBeLonelyInHell
Summary: He knows he should feel guilty for taking her down with him -(down to hell)- but he doesn't.He’s not even sorry.





	When The Circus Lights Go Out

**Author's Note:**

> And a BIG special thank you goes to the wonderful clairebare for beta reading!

**When The Circus Lights Go Out**

.

.

It ends in her apartment-

_(with blood splattered all over her bedroom)-_

and a kitchen knife lying on the bloody wooden floor.

He knows he should feel guilty-

_(for taking her down with him)-_

_(down to hell)-_

but he doesn't.

_(He's not even sorry)._

.

She takes the blame for him-

_(once again)-_

telling lie after lie.

_(Defending him til' the end)._

(Losing the only thing she ever had).

.

She comes to his motel room that night-

_(drunk and desperate)-_

with tears glistening in her eyes.

 _„I hate you,_ “ she tells him _–_

_(already pointing her gun at him)-  
_

_„I fucking hate you.“  
_

(But he knows she doesn’t). _  
_

_(Even when he wants her to.)  
_

.

Her gun hits the floor when she grabs his vest-

_(pulling him close)-_

crashing her lips against his.

(He doesn’t dare to fight her).

.

He pushes her up against the door-

_(pressing his body hard against hers)-_

kissing her softly-

_(holding her still)._

(Taking her right then and there). _  
_

_(Finally taking everything from her)._

.

When he wakes up-

_(she’s curled up against his chest)-_

her dark hair surrounding her like a halo.

And for a second she looks innocent- _  
_

_(almost like a child)-_

but of course she isn’t. _  
_

_(How could she?)_

(He made sure of that years ago).

.

She tells him she loves him-

_(but he already knew)._

He used it-

_(used her)-_

right from the start.

_(She’d been his bait all along)._

_.  
_

He leaves town again- _  
_

_(without a word)-  
_

taking the demons with him. _  
_

He needs her to forgive him-

_(wants her to forgive herself)-_

needs her to let got. _  
_

(But maybe she never will). _  
_

.

He’s sitting in the dark-

_(listening to the rain)-_

waiting for the end to come.

He’s not sure how many pills he took-

_(not sure how much scotch he got down with them)-_

but he’s sure there won't be a tomorrow.

_(At least not for him)._

(There never should have been one in the first place). _  
_

.

It’s her voice that pulls him out of the darkness-

and she looks beautiful-

_(even with the tears staining her pale cheeks)-_

more beautiful than ever.

(He wishes he could have loved her).

.

She’s grabbing his arms-

_(screaming at him)-_

begging him to stay _._

_(But he can’t)._

(He never should have).

.

He wants to tell her the truth-

_(wants to tell her that he’s sorry)-  
_

_(even when he isn’t)-  
_

but he’s already too tired to speak.

(And maybe it’s for the best.)

_.  
_

There are unfamiliar voices-

_(fading in and fading out)-_

telling him that they’re not alone anymore.

(And he’s glad).

_(Because someone has to take care of her)._

(Someone better than him).

.

His time is running out-

_(he’s dying)-_

but she’s still right beside him.

_(Right there where she always wanted to be)._

She’s holding his hand softly into her own-

_(telling him all the things he doesn’t even deserve to hear)-  
_

still loving even the darkest part of him.

_(Waiting for death to come)._

(Waiting for the end).

.

There is no light when _he_ takes him-

_(not that he expected one)-_

heaven never was an option.

_.  
_

He wakes up inside an empty room-

_(strapped down to a single bed)-_

with a bloody-red face smiling down at him.

_(There really is no such thing as forgivness)._

(There never was). _  
_

.

Welcome home, Patrick.

_(Welcome home)._

**.**

**.**


End file.
